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How parents still influence their children as adults

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Parents were very critical
If your parents criticized you a lot as a child, for example if you didn’t bring home an A, it could be that you struggle with strong self-criticism and people-pleasing today. Because you probably learned and internalized as a child that you can hardly live up to the expectations of others and that you are only worth something if you perform well and are liked. In short, that your value as a human being depends on outside factors.

Parents were very controlling
Little confidence by your parents in childhood could result in you suffering from low self-esteem and constant self-doubt as an adult. This is because your parents were very controlling – such as with your homework, your cell phone, etc. – and you didn’t learn to trust yourself enough. Nor to trust yourself to do things.

Parents were transgressive
Your parents may not have respected your boundaries as a child, perhaps interfering heavily in your friendships or dumping a lot on you emotionally. This can happen with children of divorce, for example, who almost take on the role of the partner after their parents have separated. Such behavior can result in the person not finding it easy to set healthy boundaries even in adulthood – whether in the relationship, with parents or other people, or in the job.

Parents allowed to do anything
How strictly or loosely parents raise their offspring doesn’t just affect how they behave as children. Because if children learn no or few boundaries and do practically whatever they want, this can lead to them having difficulty controlling themselves as adults. They may become very impulsive and have a hard time sticking to healthy boundaries.

Parents were very pessimistic
We learn our view of the world primarily in childhood. How our parents behave, see things and talk about them strongly influences how we also deal with situations later as adults. If your parents were rather pessimistic and usually expected the worst possible outcome of a situation, you may adopt this pattern. This can lead to self-sabotage: For example, you assume that your relationship is on the rocks, behave accordingly – and thus ensure that your partner may actually distance himself from you.